Sometimes I wonder if I'm selfish. And then I think, "I'm a teenager. It's my right to be selfish." but I don't know if that's politically correct.
My parents divorced when I was three or so. Whenever I tell someone this they reply, "oh my goodness.. are you okay?!" but honestly, I have no recollection of life before 3 so I don't really know what it's like to have two parents living together in harmony. I find it strange to go to friend's houses and have them all sit together at the dinner table. It's like some weird secret ritual I've never been a part of.
Anyways, both my parents have never remarried after all these years. I live mostly with my mom, and she's had a number of boyfriends over the course of my childhood. Some of them have given me hardship, some joy but they have a common denominator - they end in disappointment. Her current one, truth be told, I like him. I've never liked any of my mom's boyfriends.
But what I don't like is that he's commandeering my space.
He lives 30 minutes away, so my mom doesn't feel like driving him home after he stays here every night. It's not like he doesn't have a car he can drive, he just allows her to pick him up and drop him off every day to and from work. So he just sleeps on our couch with my old blanket I got a few Christmases ago while my mom and I sleep upstairs. It's been this way for about two weeks, but that's probably an understatement.
Guys, I had a plan this summer. Since my mom works all day, I could have friends over uninterrupted. See movies, go to the park, just relax. I can't relax with having some strange male I've known for 3 weeks living in my space!
He takes up the ENTIRE main floor. The basement is where the computer is, and upstairs we have 2 bedrooms and a bathroom. He lives where I eat, exercise, watch MTV... and I can't wake him up and tell him to take a hike because it's 'rude to our guest'. I have to creep around my house every morning, and make sure he doesn't wake up because heaven forbid that happens and my mom got wind of it... I'd be sure to get in some "major trouble".
I just want a summer that I can enjoy in freedom and privacy! how can I have freedom and privacy if I can't even go downstairs to my lovely livingroom in my underwear? where's the justice?
But anyways, he's currently ill. He has some lung thing, I don't know. It could be a clever lie to stay more days at chez Bev and waste my precious drops of summer because he refuses to go to the hospital. What exactly do I have living in my house, doc?
It's not like he doesn't do anything for us. He got my mom into drinking again. Not in the alcoholic or reckless way, not at all. But she didn't have even one drop of alcohol for the last 8 months until he came. Now I see her enjoy a Budweiser almost every night. What a great contribution to my family of 2.5 (the .5 is my dog, Lily, who is none the wiser about this male infestation). He also really got her into country music.
But at least he's given me some money, to have some fun with my friends, which I don't want coming to my house anymore. I am ashamed to have them see my mom and him together, two regular hicks in the heart of the prairies.
The point of the matter is, I don't really know what to do. I can hear him right now, walking around my living room like he's lived here for the past 2.5 years like I have. Damn.
But even though all of this royally sucks, and I have a feeling that maybe he could be 'The One' (I've never gotten that feeling from any of those other losers.... ughhh) I still wonder if I'm being selfish about all this. I want my mother to be happy, right? maybe I should just sacrifice my summer and put up with this.
My mom comes home in 2 hours. That's 2 hours of sitting on the computer, watching my life go to waste as the slight tan I managed to grasp from the sweltering sun in the last 2 weeks melts away, like an ice cube on warm skin. Just a couple more years, and I'll be in another Canadian city... that hope is all I've got left until he leaves.
Love,
Bev
the past.
new soul
E E Cummings
I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)
I am never without it (anywhere I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
I fear
no fate(for you are my fate, my sweet)
I want
no world(for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
I carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
5 sent me love:
*grunt*
i hear ya loud and clear deary.
what to do about it?
i am not too sure. it's a tight balance between loyalty to mom and then a (rightly justified!)selfishness.
mayhaps leave the house often in the summer? leave mr. ill to his sick and weary self!
(here's my mom's gentleman friend now... sadly i may be in the same sitch soon...)
<3 Esta
i've never been in this situation, so i don't really know what to say.if i were you, though, i would have a serious conversation with my mom, because it's not fair.she's been knowing him for 5 weeks and he acts like they were married.maybe he's the one, but until they get married he shouldn't do this.it's not fair.she's at work, and you have to act like being in a hotel with other people and respecting rules.that's not being selfish from you, it's just wanting something you deserrve.a certain freedom.
i see why you are feeling a little rubbish at the moment. and its hard to know what to say. its annoying when you cannot do things in your our house, and thats not selfish. i hope things get better.
:)
xx
YOU!
Try to talk to your mum. Maybe you even miss hanging out just with her as well? OR you can use that as part of your Reasons Why your bf shouldn't stay here ALL the time.
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